My 2024 Reads

Everything is F*CKED: A book about hope

“To build and maintain hope, we need three things: a sense of control, a belief in the value of something, and community” (p. 19).

As you can imagine given the title, I will warn potential readers that there is graphic language and vulgar metaphors throughout. However, author Mark Manson makes this a worthwhile read with how he presents research and his own theories on hope. This is not a step-by-step guide for how to have more hope. Similar to his first book, "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck”, it is more of a paradoxical explanation for how to accomplish a goal.

The first half discusses concepts from human behavior/psychology such as our avoidance of uncomfortable topics, how our feeling and thinking brains interact, and how science and religion play a role in all of this. He finishes the first half by challenging us not to hope for better but to be better. The second half of the book builds on how we are wired to avoid pain, but can use human development to shift our values and learn to become what he calls “antifragile”—to embrace and become stronger in the face of pain. This is what allows us to be better and therefore not be so focused on hoping for a better future. It is a very fancy way of suggesting to be present and improve self from the inside out. I read Manson’s first book five years ago when I was in a different place in my life, so consider that when I say I liked his first book better. I’d suggest starting with the first and seeing how you feel about picking this one up!

The Fifth Agreement

“Once you completely accept what you are, you are ready to enjoy life” (p. 179).

Before you pick this book up, I suggest you read The Four Agreements first. The first half of this work is a review of the first four agreements: Be impeccable with your word, Don’t take anything personally, Don’t make assumptions, and Always do your best. However, you will benefit from getting an in depth explanation in Ruiz’s 1997 New York Time’s Best seller before you get into this one. The second half of The Fifth Agreement discusses how we can increase awareness and become the most divine, authentic version of ourselves. We do this with the first four agreements, and the fifth agreement: Be skeptical, but learn to listen. I enjoyed the depth of this work and the continued suggestion to challenge what we believe, stay open-minded, be intentional, increase awareness, and gain infinite wisdom. In my opinion the way he opens up about these topics is pretty intense…this is not a fast read! After reading the whole book I went back to the spots I bookmarked and highlighted key points just to feel like I really grabbed it all. My favorite concept is one he starts with and weaves throughout—the importance of the “symbols” we use. We need to be mindful of how untrue our and others’ language can be, and how it can cause us to compromise our integrity. When we aren’t living in truth and instead are blocked from our true authentic selves, we could miss it all.

Buddhism for busy people

“It was as though I was able to watch the unraveling of my dreams and expectations with a curious serenity, even well being” (p. 51).

This book sparked my curiosity because I thought I’d read it with ease since it is “for busy people.” Five years later (whoops), I’ve read it and I have a slight increase in understanding of Buddhist teachings (dharma), including the four noble truths, karma, and the power of meditation. I have not read many books on Buddhism so this might not be a perfect starting point for you. I suggest you consult a fellow Buddhist for the right literature to start with. Based on what I do know, this book covers many things and includes some simple practices.

Author David Michie informs readers that the essence of Buddha’s teachings are to abandon harmfulness, cultivate goodness, and subdue the mind. Michie shares about his own meditation journey and how a practice like this can acquaint the mind with virtue. Channeling virtues like compassion and selflessness can help us abandon the sources for dissatisfaction: attachment, aversion, and ignorance. Michie explains how his own experience with these practices and principles lead him to genuine happiness vs. giving into the “I’ll be happy when” trap. As someone who has subscribed to these principles myself, I recommend this book to learn more about it!

Rising Strong

“Failure can become nourishment if we are willing to get curious, show up vulnerable and human, and put rising strong into practice” (p. 214).

Brene Brown’s previous books have focused on defining/understanding shame, building shame resilience, learning to be yourself, and learning to be all in. Rising Strong focuses on her formula for falling, getting up, and trying again. She shares how her qualitative research helped her create a three part process for rising beyond shame and defeat: The Reckoning, The Rumble, The Revolution. As always, she shares examples from her interviews with others that explain what each of these three parts mean in real time. I appreciate how she continues to illustrate that we must lean into and face our discomforts vs. ignore or run and hide from them. Another favorite quote besides the one above is “Our histories are never all good or all bad, and running from the past is the surest way to be defined by it” (249). Some things are inevitable and life can be painful, but staying stuck in shame is not a given. This is the way to show up for adversity, walk through it, and come out better than when you went in.

Refuge Recovery

“Happiness is closer to the experience of acceptance and contentment than it is to pleasure. True happiness exists as the spacious and compassionate heart’s willingness to feel whatever is present” (p. 95).

I read the first couple chapters of Noah Levine’s Refuge Recovery years ago to help with a lecture. I have just now read the whole book, which outlines how the Four Noble Truths and the Eightfold Path apply to recovery from addiction. I enjoyed using concepts such as impermanence and non-attached appreciation to understand our aversion to pain and our attachment to pleasure. Much like the Big Book of AA, the second half of this book has personal stories from recovering addicts and alcoholics who utilized this program. The Appendices are filled with meditation scripts, which can be found in audio form on https://www.refugerecovery.org/audio-meditations. I recommend the first part of this book to anyone curious about Buddhism (because it discusses how WE ALL struggle with avoiding pain and attaching to pleasure). I recommend the entire book to anyone struggling with addiction looking for a solution, and anyone already in a 12-step program but curious about a new perspective.

Overcoming distractions

“It’s less about adapting to a situation and more about creating an environment that adapts to [you]” (p. 129).

This was one of my longer “shelf sitters.” I remember reading how the first chapter is titled “you will finish this book…” and being attracted to that idea. Here we are 7 years later and I can say I’ve finished the book! It was published in 2016 and it is the only book I’ve read about ADD/ADHD, so my review might not have weight. However, I think this is a reasonable place to start if you are struggling with ADD/ADHD or are curious to learn more. Author David Greenwood shares some of his experiences being diagnosed in addition to opinions from professionals who also struggle with ADD/ADHD. This felt like a simple read where he highlights the stereotypes and symptoms of ADD/ADHD as well as how to understand it and manage it in different ways. I appreciated how he discussed medication management as an option, but provided a myriad of other ways to live successfully with ADD/ADHD. Above all, I appreciate how he shows readers that it is not some disorder to feel shame and hopelessness around, but rather something that many people experience and can manage well. I hope to do more research to find other books on this topic to recommend!

It’s OK That You’re Not OK

“Survival in grief lies in finding the connection between the life that was and the life that has been thrust upon you” (p. 229).

Constructing this review will easily take the longest so far. It took me a whole 5 minutes just to pick my favorite quote, and I almost didn’t even pick one. This is a five star read, and I will do my best to consolidate my summary and reflection. Megan Devine illustrates in her work that “things get different; they don’t get ‘better” (p. 171). And there’s another quote! Devine explains in part one how culturally people are so uncomfortable with grief and pain that they say positive things to mean well when really they are invalidating feelings. Although grief sucks and it hurts, there is nothing wrong with it and there is no perfect roadmap to navigate it. Devine explains how we can’t change the reality of pain but we can change how we carry it. Part two is her own version of a guide for how to walk through grief vs. get over it. Using her own experience with a gut wrenching loss, she explains how we can’t get rid of pain in our grief but we can reduce the suffering with certain things. They key, however, is to stay open to pain….”It won’t fix anything. And it changes everything” (p. 105). There I go again. Part three gives more information and suggestions on how to navigate grief when your family or friends don’t know how to support you in the way you need. Loved ones also can’t change pain, but they can change how they respond to it. Part four is brief but shares Devine’s suggestions on how to stay connected with others who know what you are going through.

This book is incredible. It is informative for mental health professionals who are open to properly navigating grief in sessions, and for the rest of the world who is uncomfortable with grief and want to help but don’t realize they aren’t helping. As someone who has experienced grief early in life, it was useful to read about how I can navigate future difficult losses. It also validates that my grief journey is never over even if my loss was over two decades ago. Read this book!

On being a therapist

“The therapist’s job is to do everything in her power not just to promote self-understanding but to encourage experimentation” (p. 8).

This was recommended by a mentor and fellow therapist when the fifth edition was the latest…now the sixth is. My overall review is that this book was just fine. It gave me some points to think about, and also placed some doubts in my mind as a professional still early in my career. I believe that doubting is part of the process, so that is not why my review is bland. This book was harder to get through and I found myself wanting it to be over when I was closer to the end. It just didn’t grab my attention in the ways others have this year. I believe that might be how research heavy it was, although I still find that information helpful. I did appreciate the reflection questions he provides throughout chapters on storytelling and countertransference, as well as discussion questions at the end. I plan to review those with my own therapist! He mentions at the beginning how this book is not just for therapists, but for clients to read as well. However, I would not recommend this book to my clients unless they were also in the field. The last chapter is geared towards being a client, and I will consider giving it to a client who is questioning their role on the other side of the chair. My recommendation might be to check out the sixth edition if you are still interested!

DARE

“The speed of your recovery is determined by your willingness to experience your anxiety in the right way…You really have to move with it in order to be free of it” (p. 20, 32).

I bought this book upon the recommendation of a fellow grad student while I was finishing up school. I had my first debilitating panic attack shortly before starting my last year at Hopkins, and I was terrified. I was able to embrace the paradoxical intervention in this book and stopped reading once I felt recovered from fearing panic symptoms. Now, almost five years later, I have read the whole book and recommend it strongly to anyone fearful of their anxiety and/or panic symptoms.

Barry McDonagh’s methods seem like a wild way to manage anxiety, but it is a form of exposure therapy and the goal is to stop fearing symptoms—NOT to stop having symptoms completely. I appreciate how he includes a study in the Appendix to provide scientific evidence for why the pattern of “defuse”, “allow”, “run toward”, and “engage” works. For anyone suspicious about this intervention, he connects each part of the DARE Response to a cognitive explanation. Another reason I like and recommend this book is because it is easy to read and he is very thorough. He starts with explaining what the DARE Response is, and then has a chapter for how it works with specific things (ex: panic attacks, symptoms, situations). I would read through at least chapter 2 and the Appendix, and then decide what other parts you might want to bounce around to. Barry also normalizes anxiety, gives suggestions for how to dispute shame, and provides a website/app to use alongside reading as an added resource. I use this book to help clients with OCD and GAD understand why exposure therapies can work, and why avoiding or only squelching anxious symptoms does not provide a longer lasting effect. This book is great to read on your own, or with the support of a therapist. In my clinical opinion, it is a completely safe intervention as long as you follow his suggestions.

What happened to you?

“Relationships are the currency for change.”

My review for this work will be different because I listened to the audio version. Nevertheless, I whole heartedly endorse this book for someone who is curious about the effects of trauma. I often suggest The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk if someone wants to learn about how trauma is experienced in the brain and how our nervous systems are impacted by trauma long term. However, I would start here if you don’t know anything about the survival part of our brain and the science behind how our nervous system reacts to things. I found the audio version of this piece enjoyable because it is truly a conversation between Dr. Perry and Oprah….almost like listening to a podcast. The way Dr. Perry shares his research and expertise is gentle and informative, and not in an overwhelming way. I truly am a visual learner, so I prefer to read my psycho-educational books so I can highlight and make notes. I guarantee I will eventually buy a physical copy of this and read it in the near future. My biggest takeaway from this piece is that we need to normalize asking “What in your past has influenced your brain to develop the way it has?” This is different than assuming a shameful narrative that something is wrong with somebody because of how they respond to stressors. I would recommend this book to anyone curious about their own life experiences, anyone wanting to better support a loved one through their trauma healing, or a clinician less familiar with working from a trauma lens.

Love’s Executioner

“The unexamined life is not worth living” (p. 36).

I will provide a review of mixed feelings for Irvin Yalom’s work here. The prologue mentions his beliefs around a patient’s responsibility for their life predicament, and how willingness is what really leads to change. He then continues with 10 chapters of different cases he worked. He includes clips of each session and his own inner dialogue around it. I appreciated this because Yalom is well known and I enjoyed what he had to say about the purpose of therapy, therapist, and the relationship. However, I will warn any clients interested in reading that he is brutally honest about some of his biases and countertransference. All therapists have biases and experience countertransference, and he wrote an epilogue decades letter addressing some comments he made. I’ll still warn anyone who might be sensitive to phobic and offensive comments. I’d recommend this book most to fellow clinicians, and I might recommend specific chapters to clients depending on what they are working through. Not at the top of my list for favorites this year, but still glad I conquered another shelf sitter!

The 12-Step Buddhist

I am hitting a bit of a non-fiction lull halfway through the year, so this one was harder to get through. However, I appreciate how author Darren Littlejohn matches up Buddhist principles with each of the 12 steps. He starts with sharing his own story of recovery, and education on addiction. As someone who is already well versed in this arena, I could’ve skimmed through the education piece, but I appreciated the refresher. I’d recommend to anyone who identifies as Buddhist and wants to learn more about addiction, perhaps to support a loved one. This book goes more in depth on explaining Buddhism and its teachings. I would recommend it to someone who is already well knowledgeable as it can be a lot to take in from cover to cover, or to someone who wants to read “bits and pieces”. There are meditations sprinkled throughout each chapter related to different steps, which could enrich anyone’s meditation practice. There is also the option to read only certain steps as it pertains to your recovery—my favorite chapters were on Steps 6 and 7. I plan to return to this book one day to review and re-read when I am more receptive to psycho-education pieces!